Break my heart (Estate Series 1) Read online

  I sit in bed for hours, thinking about what he said, trying to figure him out, but ending up nowhere. I look at the clock and see its almost 4am. Giving up and laying down with a groan, I try and get a couple of hours before I have to face him again, I close my eyes drifting out to the thoughts of being back with him and my life being complete again.

  Feeling the bed dip sometime later, I open my eyes to find Reid sitting on the edge of it looking at me. I sit up and hold my head as it spins, erg why did I drink again. Holding out his hand, Reid passes me two tablets, he points to the glass of water on the bedside table and says “I’m guessing your head feels like someone sat on it, so I brought you some ibuprofen” I take them and gulp them down with mouthfuls of water “Thank you” I say timidly, not knowing how to act after last night, I have no idea where we stand now. He gives me a look like he’s trying to work me out before he stands “Come on, once you’re ready I’ll take you back to Brady’s for your car” My car? Oh, he drove us here last night I remember “Take whatever clothes you need from my dresser” he says, before leaving out the door.

  Taking a few moments to compose myself, I push up off the bed and head for the bathroom. Learning from yesterday not to use his shower gel in the shower, I opt for the bar of soap by the sink. After getting myself back to a halfway decent human, I move back into the bedroom with the towel wrapped around me to find some clothes. After putting his t-shirt back over my head, I pull on my underwear. Finding my jeans on the floor I get dressed and look around, I find my strap top and bra on the chair in the corner of the room. Scooping them up with my phone and purse I realise I left my car keys at Brady’s house. Grabbing my concealer from my purse I spend some time covering my black eye, taking out my powder and mascara I manage to do a halfway decent job of covering it. I hate sleeping in makeup, but I didn’t have much of a choice last night.

  Walking downstairs I find only Reid at the kitchen table “Where is Hayley?” I ask, we need a buffer here, when we are alone I either want to bash his head in or jump his bones, and I don’t fancy finding out which option wins “She’s at her counselling session this morning” he responds, “Would you like some coffee?” he asks, moving over to the urn “Erm no thank you. I’d like to get my car now, if that’s okay?” being here, alone with him, is making me very nervous “Oh yeh sure. Let me just grab my stuff and we can go” he says as he walks towards the front room. I stand in the kitchen nervously, waiting for him to return, when he does he has his shoes on and keys in hand “You ready?” he says in the sexiest voice ever. Feeling my nipples pucker with how turned on I am, I know I need to get out of here before I do something I regret “Ready as ever” I respond as I practically run towards the front door.

  Chapter Four

  The drive to Brady’s only takes around 10 minutes and its spent in pensive silence… or sexual tension, I just can’t tell anymore. I breath out a sign of relief when we pull into his driveway. Getting out I see my car up on a garage lift in the other side of the converted garage with Brady working on my car, I completely forgot he said he could do that today. “Hey Braid’s. Thank you for looking at my car, I didn’t think it would hold out much longer” I say as I walk up to him “It’s no trouble babe. I may need to take it into the garage though as it’s a bigger job than I thought, your discs and pads are pretty worn as well as the baring needing to be changed” he says with an annoyed expression “Oh well when can I take it in? I have dance class Tomorrow and Thursday?” I say. Damn car, I knew it was desperate for a service, but I only had the M.O.T done 5 months ago “Can you drop it off Wednesday? I’m out picking up parts in the morning, but I can sort it in the afternoon?” he says “Reid can you sort her a courtesy car?” he asks him. Reid and Brady both work at Craigs motors in town. The lady that owns it, Lizzie, took a shine to both boys when they helped her push her broken down Land Rover into her garage one Sunday afternoon, she offered them both jobs on the spot straight out of college. Having their BTec in engineering, they were the perfect duo to expand her newly opened garage “Yeh I can sort that for you Becks, drop it off anytime” Reid says as he takes a look at the car.

  Dropping it down from the lift, Brady says it’s okay to drive until I drop it off, but to be careful. Taking the keys, I thank him again, he didn’t have to spend his morning under my car, but that’s just who he is, he will make some girl very lucky one day. I look over to thank Reid for letting me stay last night, but he’s nowhere to be seen, where did he disappear to? Telling myself ill text him later, I get in my car and make my way home. The driveway at home is empty thank god, I let myself into the house and go up to my room where I lock my door. Taking out my phone I plug it in and pull up the messaging app.

  Me: Thank you for letting me stay last night.

  It feels odd being able to text him again after being blocked for so long, but I needed to let him know that even with my outburst, I was grateful I didn’t come home drunk. Mum wouldn’t have liked that. Feeling my phone vibrate in my hand I look down at it.

  Reid: You’re welcome, careful of those pesky rugs from now on

  Well, this one isn’t stupid. Choosing not to reply, I put down my phone and grab out my kindle, getting lost in a book sounds like bliss right about now. Pulling up my favourite author Chloe Walsh, I begin rereading my favourite series again Carter kids. After a few hours reading and sorting myself some dinner, I take off my make up and get into some pj shorts. Deciding to just sleep in Reid’s t-shirt again I settle into bed and put on a movie. Not long, after my eyes close and I snuggle down into my bed. I’m back teaching dance tomorrow, and I can’t wait.

  Tuesday comes and goes and takes my first dance lesson with it, I’ve always loved teaching dance, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. My dream is to open my own studio where people of all ages and sizes can come to let off some steam as I do. But today is Wednesday, the day I have to see Reid again as I drop my car off.

  Pulling up at the garage I see lizzie standing outside taking a delivery, she waves as she sees me so I walk over to say hello “Hey Becca, been a long time since I’ve seen you around here” she says with a warm smile “Hey Lizzie. Yeh I went to stay with my dad for a while” I answer, knowing she’s probably heard about him passing, I’m ready for the pity that crosses over her face “Aw yeh, I heard about your dad, sorry for your loss honey. It’s good to have you back though, Reid’s been a bear with a sore head since the day you left. Pricks been snapping at everyone” she explains. Why would Reid be angry I left? He wanted me to move on out of his life. Not knowing how to answer that I ignore it “Ah yeh, it’s nice to be back. I missed everyone” I say trying to change the subject away from Reid “You bringing your car in? Brady said it’s a service and a bearing?” she asks thankfully changing the subject “Yeh its well overdue and making a horrible noise now” I tell her “Ok honey, Reid is in the office, he can sort you a courtesy car” she says. Telling her thanks, I walk over to the office, inside I find Reid sorting through some papers on Lizzies desk “Er hey. I’ve come to drop off my car and get the courtesy car?” I say like an idiot, he knows why I’m here “Hey Becks, yeh lemme sort that for you” he says, pulling out a piece of paper, he writes some information on it and grabs a set of keys off the hook behind the desk “So here is the keys to the courtesy car, Once we’ve had a look at yours Brady will ring you to let you know once he’s fixed it” he tells me. Okay, back to normal pleasantries, I can do that.

  Taking the keys from him he shows me where the car is “Thanks for this” I tell him as I get in, he just nods then walks back into the garage. I’m not so sure I like the new polite version of Reid. Growing up he was always so broody and quiet, you never knew what he was thinking, but that was half the fun. As a teenager I was determined to work him out, to find out who he was behind that tough exterior, but since coming back home, I can’t seem to get a read on him, it’s throwing me off.

  Starting the car, I make my way to Sherri’s, I haven’t seen her since the
drinking game at Brady’s so I need a catch up. Pulling up to her house I’m confused when I see Gavin’s red Clio in the driveway.

  Strange, they don’t normally hang out alone.

  Knocking on the door, I can hear Sherri laugh at something as she opens it “Becks! I was just about to ring you to see where you were” she says opening the door to let me in, walking inside I take off my shoes, her mum would kill me if I trapsed mud in here “Yeh sorry, I had to drop my car off at Lizzies to be fixed. Brady is looking at it later for me” I say as we walk into the front room. Gavin is on the sofa scrolling through his phone “Hey Becks” he says as I sit down, I give him a small wave as Sherri enters the room with a drink in hand, she passes me it and starts chatting about her day as if we haven’t seen each other in ages. We chat about her and Gavin becoming good friends, she assures me later on when Gavin leaves that it is purely platonic, which relieves me. In my mind, her and Brady belong together, they just can’t see it yet.

  After watching movies with Sherri and catching up I end up sleeping over, I don’t fancy coming across my mum tonight. Sherri lends me some pjs and finds a charger for my phone, plugging it in we settle in her king size bed. Ever since I could remember we’ve had sleep overs at her house, talking until the early hours, it was my freedom from being caged at home. A little while later, she goes quiet for a little while, which is weird for her.

  “Becks can I ask you something and you tell me the truth?” she asks when we turn off the lights “Er yeh Shez of course you can” I reply. I’ve got a bad feeling about where this is going “Where did you get that black eye? Because it’s not the first time I’ve seen marks on you. You think you can cover them, but I notice. I was waiting for you to tell me on your own but then Reid asked me about it, and I thought if he didn’t know, then you may never tell me” she admits, I feel like I can’t breathe, she’s seen the bruises! How did I really think I could hide them from her, she’s my best friend, she notices everything, and Reid has asked about them?

  “It’s nothing Sherri. I’ve been trying some new moves while freestyling and I fell, that’s all” I tell her. I hate lying to her, but she wouldn’t understand why I haven’t gone to anyone about my mum “Beck’s I’m calling bullshit, I’ve been with you to the studio before. You are never clumsy, its actually the only time you are graceful” she says with a snort “I have never once seen you fall dancing before. You’ve used that lie one to many times now” she pauses “I need to know Beck’s. I want to help you” she pleads, she can’t help me, no one can anymore. I’ve wanted to tell her for years, I feel like a weight is pressing down on me. Back then, I could cope with the violence and disgusting names my mum called me, but I had Reid back then to tell me I’m beautiful, that he loves me. Being back here in my hometown, I’m struggling to cope on my own “You want the truth?” I ask her “Yes I want the truth, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I used to believe your stories when I was younger, but we are adults now” she says with irritation “Is it your mum?” she floors me by asking, I guess I’m not as good at covering as I thought “Why would you think it’s my mum?” I ask in a panic. I can’t believe she’s asked that, how can she be so on the money when I’ve spent most of my life learning how to hide it “You think this little town doesn’t talk Beck’s. I often hear about your mum in pub embarrassing herself. I just didn’t bring it up because I thought you would tell me” she says. She’s hurting I didn’t confide in her, how can I make her understand that I didn’t want the police to take me away when I was younger. My mum screamed in my face enough times after smacking me that I would end up In care if I told anyone, she would tell me horror stories as a child that I would be sent to someone’s house where they would …… force men on me, as well as other things. She made me terrified about ever speaking up, but Sherri is right, I’m an adult now, I’m 20 for Christ sakes, why am I still hiding.

  In that moment, all I want to do is tell her, spill every little detail about my life, just so I have someone.

  it’s time to tell.

  “You’re right. It’s my mum” I whisper “She’s been drinking heavily for as long as I can remember and sometimes slaps me. But it’s when she’s almost sober that she hits me where you can’t see” I finally admit, I feel like a weight has come off of my shoulders “It’s been happening for a long time, as I got older I’ve learnt to evade it. But sometimes I get caught, and I suffer for it” I start crying, not from what I’m saying, but from the relief I have telling her. I’ve been stuck with this secret since I could understand what was happening to me “Becks, why didn’t you say anything! I could have done something. Why didn’t you report her!” she yells and starts crying “Shhhh don’t cry Shez, I’m ok” I try to sooth her, I knew she would react like this. I would be the same way if it were her telling me the same thing “But you’re not okay! Oh my god the busted lips, the bruised cheeks, that was all her?” she asks through tears “Yes it was all her” I answer sadly, choking on my sobs “You need to call the police, you can’t let her do this to you! Its abuse!” she yells as I wrap her up in a hug. I knew she would want to go to the police, in the back of my mind I know she’s right, but the fear of having no one won’t let me do it, even now “I can’t let her go to prison Shez, she’s my mum. I know it’s wrong and I know she shouldn’t do it. But I would rather have her at home than in a prison cell. She’s the only family I have left” I admit, after dad died, all I have is her.

  Sherri is quiet for a moment, I can see the wheels turning in her head as tears track down her cheeks. She suddenly grabs hold of her phone which makes me panic thinking she’s calling the police, when I see her texting I relax a little “Well you can move in here then! I can’t let you go back there Becks, not now I know what’s really going on. I always thought maybe it was her, but I never wanted to believe it. Years you’ve been going through this, I can’t believe it. You do have more family, you have me and I know you have Brady and Reid too” she tells me. We both hug each other tight, sobs racking us as I let out some pain “I know I have you Shez, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening at first. Back then I had you and Reid as my escape, when Reid broke it off I couldn’t stay here, not with her and without him” I tell her. Before I could live with the odd smack around and toxic words, because I had Reid. But without him, I didn’t know how to survive it anymore, so I ran “I’m serious, I’m not letting you go back. I’ve text mum, she’s already replied and said you can move in here, we have the spare room, you are moving tomorrow” she tells me with no room for argument “Are you sure Sherri, this is your home. I don’t want to take advantage” I tell her, in truth, being here would be the relief I need, an escape I lost when I couldn’t stay at Reid’s anymore “Don’t be so fucking stupid, of course I’m sure. Tomorrow we pack up your things and you are moving in. I will not let you go back” I wrap my arms around her thanking her from the bottom of my heart, this is the new start I’ve been wishing for. Finally, it feels like it’s been granted.

  Chapter Five

  Pulling up at my mums house I’m thankful to see she is still nowhere to be seen, it’s going to make today a hell of a lot easier. Sherri pulls up behind me in her car ready to load up all my belongings and I’m glad to say she’s stopped crying. When we woke up this morning, she made me go into as much detail as I could about everything, we both shed some more tears, wishing I told her years ago.

  As I get out my car a strange van pulls into the drive, Brady, Gavin and Reid jump out of the cab and start towards us “Sherri what’s going on?” I ask as I move towards her “I mentioned to Gavin that you were moving today, I asked him if he had a van. Seems he brought help” she says with a sad smile “You didn’t tell them though right?” Oh god, if she told them I’ll probably have to run again “Of course not. I don’t agree with not reporting her. But it’s for you to tell people, not me” she says with irritation. I know she doesn’t get it, but her mum is how mums are supposed to be, s
he wouldn’t understand what it would feel like to have to send her to jail, because she knows her mum would never do anything worthy of being reported. “Hey guys. Ready to get this shit show started” Gavin says as he walks up the drive. I really didn’t want them to see the house, they are going to have questions. Turning round I get out my keys, I decide to get this over with and open the door. I try not to let them see my face, I’ve put enough make up on to look like I’m heading to a club. Waking up with a red puffy face and a black eye was not on my list of things I wanted to look at.

  Walking in the house, my body goes on high alert. Even though I know she isn’t here, it’s a subconscious reaction to being in this place. Sherri and Reid have been here once or twice before when I knew mum wasn’t home, but Gavin and Brady have never seen the inside before. I’m so embarrassed when I see bottles littering the coffee table, an ashtray full of fag buts sits next to them, I try to ignore their gazes and turn to walk up the stairs.

  Walking through my bedroom door I realise a van was maybe a bit too much. All I have ever owned is in this bedroom, a chest of draws and wardrobe with clothes, posters on my walls, my kindle and stereo and CDs, that was about it “Erm, maybe the van was overkill” Sherri says with a laugh trying to lighten the mood.

  I make a start putting my clothes into the laundry bags I grabbed from the pound shop on the way here. Gavin takes my bedding and starts putting it in bin bags, Brady works on getting my stereo unhooked to pack up, Sherri is making a start on my wardrobe, while Reid is taking down my posters. He stops to look at a particular one, the one he gave back the day he left my stuff on my doorstep. I just couldn’t throw it away.